Introduction

There are many ways to improve your communication and interact with others more effectively. One of the most valuable skills to acquire and enhance is active listening. By being a better listener, you can deepen and strengthen all types of relationships.

Communication is critical to all relationships.

Communication is critical to have healthy relationships, Communication can be defined as the process of sharing information with other people in a clear, understandable way. It involves two-way, verbal and nonverbal communication. The goal of effective communication is to build trust and increase understanding between people; in the context of a romantic relationship, effective communication means that each partner feels heard without feeling judged or criticized.

To improve your own listening skills, consider these tips:

• Practice active listening by asking questions like "What did you mean when you said that?" or "Can you tell me more about what happened?"
• Reflect what was heard and summarize the heart of the message being conveyed.
• Don't interrupt others while they're talking; instead make sure that they feel free to express their opinions without fear of judgement from you

If you want to be heard, you must first learn to listen. Doing so tears down defenses, enabling the receiver and giving them the power/ability to listen to you. If the receiver is still having issues listening to you, teach them what you need, and how to active listen. This can be achieved by mastering your own deficiencies with active listening, and teaching the person you're taking to, how to do likewise.

What is active listening?

Active listening is a way to give your full attention to someone else. It is more than just "listening" or the typical "I understand," "I hear you," sort of response. Active listening involves understanding the other person’s point of view. I like to say, intently "reading-between-the-words" to hear their soul. Active listening involves reflecting the meaning of what the other person is saying, not just repeating what they said with different words. *Surprisingly, this may even change your feelings regarding a matter, and create empathy towards the speaker. Understanding starts to manifest, which ultimately builds connection.

Active listening requires you to suspend judgment and really try to understand where the other person is coming from. You'll need to take time out from your own thoughts and opinions, which can get in the way when attempting to effectively listen. This is extremely HARD the closer you are to someone! Practicing active listening is essential to make it second nature, especially involving tense, or heated situations.

Steps to become a better listener.

To become a better listener, focus on the speaker. Don't interrupt him or her, don't judge them, and don't make assumptions about what they are saying. Resist the temptation to plan your response in your head while they're talking. Don't be distracted by your phone or other things that are going on around you - instead, give the person ALL your attention so he or she feels heard. Most importantly, put yourself in their shoes, and see the situation through their lens.

Ask genuine, follow up questions, but not in an interrogating type of way. Questions are an important part of communication because they help us learn more about what the other person is thinking and feeling. They also show that you are interested in what they have to say and encourage them to share more information with you. When asking questions, try to avoid yes/no questions or ones that can be answered with a simple "yes" or "no."

Instead, ask open-ended questions that encourage the other person to expand on their answer. For example, instead of asking "Do you like this movie?", try asking "What did you think of this movie?" Don't judge or criticize the other person. When we listen to someone with an open mind and heart, we can understand where they’re coming from without judgement or assuming what you think they're saying. I have a motto that stands true today: “ASSUMPTIONS GET YOU IN TROUBLE!”

Active listening can make your relationships stronger.

Active listening is a skill that is learned. It does NOT come naturally.  We humans are selfish by nature, so to step out of our own head takes willful intent and great effort.  It’s not just about hearing what the other person says but truly understanding what they are saying (not the words; they’re heart). Active listening can help you connect with the other person and build trust, which makes your relationship stronger.

To show the speaker you understand, paraphrase to confirm what they said was accurate.  Asking questions to get clarification or reflect what feelings they are presenting or the needs they’re indicating. This helps to ensure the message was accurately heard. Words have the potential to be misunderstood or taken out of context, which ultimately breeds confusion, frustration, and continued tension.

You can also try to show them that you are listening with non-verbal acknowledgement e.g., nodding your head or making comfortable eye contact with them. This shows that you're paying attention and encourages them to continue speaking.

Conclusion

The importance of active listening in relationships cannot be overstated. When we truly listen to each other, our communication is enhanced and the connection between two individuals becomes stronger. Though listening is important in all relationships, it becomes detrimental in romantic relationships, where intimate connection is derived from healthy productive communication.

So how can you improve your active listening skills? Learn how and practice, practice, and practice some more.  Begin practicing on small, neutral, conversations, before attempting to tackle the serious ones, attached with strong emotions. 

Start by being present in the moment, focusing on what your partner is saying without drifting off into thoughts of your own or interrupting them before they're done speaking. Reflect, empathize, then ask follow up, questions about what you've heard so far, which will help you clarify any misunderstandings that may have occurred during the conversation—and show that you're engaged! After doing this regularly for several weeks or months (depending on how often you talk), it'll become second nature for both parties involved.  Good luck and well wishes!!